Fake Ducks

If it quacks like Duck Dynasty, it must be hypocrisy. “Reality shows” are as realistic as Michael Jackson’s face was or Fox “News” is.

That doesn’t diminish the devotion of their audiences of Americans that refuse to think. In fact, that’s the appeal.

That sector of Americans harbor a deathly fear of the real world. Fundamentalist Khristians have rallied to the defense of Duck Dynasty. This provides them another Crusade, just one more opportunity to vent their hate.

It seems that Phil, the patriarch of the family and biblical scholar extraordinaire, was called by God to trash those that aren’t as pious as he. That would be homosexuals, mostly. However, he left us a bonus. He corrected history by assuring us that Blacks were heartbroken at the loss of Jim Crow laws.

And for good measure, he put those uppity women in their place. Interestingly, since Jesus said nothing about homosexuality, Phil reached back to the Old Testament; to Leviticus as his authority. It would appear that Phil is a Cafeteria Christian . . . he picks and chooses which parts he accepts.

I’d be willing to bet he’s eaten some clams, lobster, crabs, crawfish and such. Those shrimp cocktails are hard to resist.

And then there’s the matter of working on the weekend. Has he ever mowed his lawn on a Saturday? Leviticus has something to say about eating shellfish and not keeping the Sabbath holy, as well as homosexuality.

Has he killed all of those people that disagree with him on religion? The 3^rd book of the Bible demands it. Those sins are on the same level as homosexuality. Whoops! You mean ole Phil is a hypocrite, a sinner on a par with those fags? Say it isn’t true.

I’m going to relax and let someone else do the work. Here is a post that gives a bit more perspective to this family of fakers.

Duck Dynasty is a Fake Yuppies-in-Red-Neck-Drag Con Job by Vyan In this extremely funny and NSFW rant, my new pal Dusty truly cuts to the chase on this entire “Duck Dynasty/Free-the-Hate Speech” embroiglio in a way that no one else has before.

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First he points out the obvious that A&E has every right to hire, suspend and FIRE anyone they feel like, particularly if they think that person has damaged their corporate brand.

Let me also quickly mention that Duck Dynasty creator Scott Gurney appears to have appeared in an Indie Gay Porn Film in the past, so he either is Gay or is sympathetic enough to be capable for playing Gay on film and therefore if anyone has a right to feel he doesn’t need to Put Up With Robertson’s comments – it just might be someone like Mr. Gurney.

Dusty then points out some other obvious things, such as the fact that Phil Robertson IS RICH, and although Jesus really didn’t say anything definitive about Gays (although did mention people being “born Eunichs” whatever that means) He Did. Talk. About. The. RICH!

From Matthew 19 16 Just then a man came up to Jesus and asked, “Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?” 17 “Why do you ask me about what is good?” Jesus replied. “There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, keep the commandments.” 18 “Which ones?” he inquired. Jesus replied, “ ‘You shall not murder, you shall not commit adultery, you shall not steal, you shall not give false testimony, 19 honor your father and mother,’c and ‘love your neighbor as yourself.’ ” 20 “All these I have kept,” the young man said. “What do I still lack?” 21 Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” 22 When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth. 23 Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Truly I tell you, it is hard for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of heaven. 24 Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.” 25 When the disciples heard this, they were greatly astonished and asked, “Who then can be saved?” 26 Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

So if Mr. Phil Dynasty wants truly be as perfect as he claims to be, as perfect as he claims he wants other people to be, if He Wants To Enter the Kingdom of GOD then he should set a shining example and sell ALL HIS POSSESSIONS AND GIVE IT TO THE POOR and then, only then, will he have treasure waiting for him in the Kingdom of Heaven.

Another problem that Mr. Dynasty has with entering Heaven is this, from Corinthians 11:14 (part of the same section that he quoted from in GQ)

14 Does not even nature itself teach you that if a man has long hair, it is a dishonor to him.

So after he sells his possessions and gives the money to the poor, the part of the Bible he likes to quote from says he need a hair cut. It also – while ranting about the fornicators – ranted about the greedy.

Corinthians 6 9 Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men [Note: some scholars argue that the original greek term used here refers to pedophiles, not gay men] 10 nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.

Phil quoted that mostly accurately [except as noted in the comments, confusing an act of violence and rape – pedophilia – with acts of love and consent] , but does he truly understand it because that particular section was really about lawsuits between the faithful. The point being that you shouldn’t need lawsuits if everyone is behaving honorably and fairly.

Anyway . . . the real kicker that Dusty brings up is the fact that Robertson’s “Red Neck Pose” is just that – a Pose. It’s Marketing. It’s HYPE. Just have a look at these family photos from before and after their show began. From RefinedGuy.com

Before Reality TV

The Preppy Brothers In School. Golf Is Required

Note the Frosted Tips on Willie, Tre’ Metro-Sexual!

After Reality TV

Interesting that none of the wives have chosen to present themselves in Costume as the Brothers have. Oh well, I guess they don’t get as much screen time. Apparently all you have to do is stop shaving and cutting your hair for six months, add flannel and camo plus a little Yeehaw and PRESTO – Instant Red-Neck.

Like most reality shows, this one is just another elaborate manipulation of the public. It doesn’t matter what nuttiness Phil says to GQ. I’m willing to bet he doesn’t even mean any of it and was simply out to stir up a pot of controversy – in the end it’s all according to the script.

This show now has more support and more eyes on it than it ever will. A&E couldn’t have pulled off a multi-media coup like this if they tried. I mean, as I type this they’re doing a Duck Dynasty story on “OMG! Insider”, and doing it without mentioning a single word of what Phil actually said.

Free Media Marketing 101. This is a Scam. These guys are Acting. America has been Pwned! Don’t believe the Hype.

Vyan 8:47 PM PT: Let me just sort of quickly summarize the “No Big Deal” thing that Dusty says in my opinion. I think, apparently as he does, that people have a right to say dumb ass shit so that part is – in and of itself – no big deal. Somebody said something stupid. A few times. Ok, a lot of times. He has that right. But he doesn’t have the right to insist that someone else subsidize that stupid shit. And he doesn’t have the right for other people not to comment on that stupid shit.

What I think is a bigger deal than the specifics of Phil’s statements (although I’ve been over those specifics twice in two days so far) – which are of course hateful and fucked up – is how many other people are rallying around that stupid fucked up shit, which presents a much larger problem than one idiot mouthing off in the backwoods.

Now there are hundreds of thousands of pissed off entitled neanderthals who feel that Phil getting suspended is somehow an affront the their Personal Jeezus. That’s sad. That’s pathetic and IMO potentially very dangerous depending on which deranged asshole zealot decides to do what to whom in retaliation for “Poor Persecuted Phil”.

Phil himself doesn’t bother or scare me that much, he’s a blowhard – however They Do!

9:06 PM PT: Let me also be honest and fair enough to admit it’s just possible that Dusty is wrong, and all three brothers and the uncle all decided to go from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy to ZZ Top Grunge all at the same time for some other reason beside the likelihood of being on TV and being able to present a “Unified Family Front”. People do indeed change over time. It could be a accidental happenstance. Sure. Possibly. However, there is one still unbearded male member of the family, Phil’s eldest son Alan. Alan left the family business to become a preacher and didn’t show up until Season Four of the show, so um . . . the “it just happened” thing is still not convincing. Three brothers on the show are bearded and gruff all of a sudden when they previous had been – well – far more likely to be on the cover of GQ than dear-ole dad [or maybe The Advocate particularly with those frosted tips], yet the one brother who is not on the show for the first four years isn’t like that?

Um, Coincidence? Or Marketing? Maybe. Maybe Not. What are the Odds?

Sat Dec 21, 2013 at 10:38 AM PT: This I just saw on the Friends of Keith (Remember Keith?) Facebook Page. Very apropos. Let me also add that it’s completely ridiculous to think of criticism of Phil as criticism of all Christians. He was not elected Mega-Pope-In-Charge, he’s just one guy with a big mouth. His views do not reflect the views of every Anglican, every Episcopalian, every Catholic, every Baptist, every Methodist, every Lutheran, every Presbyterian or every Mormon. They just don’t. So criticizing Phil’s misuse of Christian doctrine, is not a bashing religion. It’s bashing Phil’s comments, which deserve it.

And besides when did “all the black people liked living under Jim Crow” until those pesky misguided “Entitlements and Welfare” become a “Christian Thang” anyway? Jesus told the Rich to give everything to the POOR! That’s Ayn Rand Talk and she was an Athiest. Later,

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Tagged as: a&e, bible, camouflage, christian, duck, dynasty, fake, fox, fundamentalist, gay, gq, hate, homosexual, hypocrisy, jesus, jim crow, leviticus, ohil robertson, reality, red neck, shellfish, yuppie